Ever since I began to grow up...

"I still act sometimes like I was only about twelve. Everybody says that, especially my father. It's partly true, too, but it isn't all true. People always think something's all true. I don't give a damn, except that I get bored sometimes when people tell me to act my age. Sometimes I act a lot older than I am – I really do – but people never notice it. People never notice anything."

To be frank, sometimes, I still feel like I'm 12. I mean, nobody expects 17-going-on-18-year-old to spend half his life up in a tree. Or playing in the mud, catching frogs all evening, rolling in the grass, getting soaked when the building floods in monsoon, and so on.

To be fair, I don't always wanted to be treated that way. I, quite honestly, don't mind one bit about being independent enough to stay up all night, traverse the entire breadth of the city all alone, or getting a paycheck for my internship. I can give you more psychoanalysis before 9 am. than most people can give you in a year. I am currently formulating my own life-philosophy. I am stuck in the 3rd movement of a symphony that I'm writing.

What bothers me is why you can't do all that and play in the mud. Why is everything so stereotyped? (Ironically, that statement itself is stereotyped) 

With reference to Snickerdoodle's (what happened to "Orange Tic-Tac Kid"??) recent post, I take this opportunity to express my discontent with gender stereotypes as well. Why, oh why, can't a boy still be a boy if he want's to read a book instead of playing football?

I have often been a bit jittery about the apparent fact that I spend more time in my life with girls than boys. Females, I congratulate (some of) you for being easier to strike up conversation with. Am I the only boy in class who can cry on a relatively regular basis at movies or anything, in general?

Even as a kid, I never had it easy. I was often teased for preferring to play "Imaginary games', as I called them, with swords and stuff, rather than organised sport.

Speaking of being 'jittery', I have decided to give all that a big FU. From now on, I'm going to be ME, and only ME. I don't care anymore if people call me a kid, a girl, or any other cliche that they think is offensive.

"And my ashes drift beneath the silver sky Where a boy rides on a bike and never smile...

And my ashes find a way beyond the fog And return to save the child that I forgot..." 

- Porcupine Tree

"You can't totally rebel, otherwise you have to go live on your own, on a desert island. It's as simple as that..."

Challenge...

1. Live without music or live without T.V.?  Oh, that's easy, TV for sure  
2. Eat a bar of soap or drink a bottle of dish washing liquid?  Eat a bar of soap. I've actually tasted it many times before, so I'm a bit familiar with it.
3. Hold your pee forever or have an uncontrollable bladder?
   Eesh... uncontrollable bladder. At least diapers can help that. Holding your pee forever would be painful as crap. And kidney-stones.
4. Be called a racist or a traitor to your country?
   I'm often called a traitor to my country, and I went through a somewhat racist phase a few years ago, so yeah.
5. Be trapped in an elevator with wet dogs or with three fat men with bad breath?
   Wet dogs hands down.
6. Lose your legs or lose your arms?
   Lose my legs.
7. Have a beautiful house and an ugly car or an ugly house and a beautiful car? Beautiful house, ugly car.
8. Be blind or deaf? I'd have to go with blind. I may not have music (;_;), but I'll still be able to write.
9. Live in Antarctica or Death Valley? Antarctica, because no matter how cold it is, there are always ways to get warmer, but no matter how many clothes you take off in the heat, it doesn't get cooler.
10. Find true love or 10 million dollars?
    My head tells me to take the 10 million dollars and take love, forget true love. My heart begs to differ. I listen to my heart more often. Hopelessly romantic. 
11. Always say what’s on your mind or never speak again?
    Always say what's on my mind. I couldn't live without talking.
12. Have pom-poms for hands or glow sticks for fingers?
    Glow stick fingers. That would be cool.
13. Be able to hear any conversation or take back what you said?
    Take back what I said!!! That would be unmatchable.
14. End hunger or hatred?
    Ending hatred would be a tad bit more selfish than ending hunger in my mind, for some reason. So, I suppose I'd end hunger.
15. Always lose or never play?
    Never play. Sit in the sun by a brook in the woods and do nothing.
16. Fly when you fart or pee when you laugh?
    Fly when you far. At least you get something beneficial from that. 
17. Know it all or have it all?
    Know it all.
18. Give bad advice or take bad advice?
    Take bad advice. I'd feel suicidally guilty otherwise.
19. Have a mansion in the middle of nowhere or an apartment with 10 friends?
    Apartment with 10 friends.
20. Be forgotten or hatefully remembered?
    Be forgotten. That's what's going to happen anyway, unless I pull off something incredible.
21. Not be able to use your phone or your email?
    Not be able to use E-mail.
22. Be rich with an unhappy job or make less money with a job you like? Why bother asking.
23. Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or always know their future? Neither. I've read too much fantasy about the horrors of both.
24. Eat a handful of hair or lick three public telephones? 
    Easy. Lick three public telephones. i probably lick the equivalent of that in one meal in school using my hands.
25. Be schizophrenic or have amnesia?
    Be schizophrenic. I already am.
26. Talk like Yoda or breathe like Darth Vader?
    Like Yoda would I talk. More fun it is, than like Vader breathing.
27. Marry a vain person or a person with poor image?
    Person with a poor image.
28. Eat 30 pounds of cheese in one sitting or a bucket of peanut butter without water?   Peanut Butter!

Never smile at a crocodile...

It started out as an ordinary mid-exam day. The only thing that betrayed a glimpse of anything out of the ordinary was the black pigeon. They may be common, but I had never seen one, s naturally, I was intrigued. It also didn't 'coo' like the other pigeons. Naturally, I cracked a joke about omens of death and the macabre and got an earful from mum. It was all very amusing. 

Later that day, an innocent game of cricket eerily began to resemble an episode of Happy Tree Friends, as a simple misfield turned into a bloodbath. I followed an age-old Gidney House tradition rather too intensely as I ran straight into a concrete pillar. "It hurt, but it scared the shit out of the dog." Of course, there was no dog, so the entire incident was beneficial to no one. There weren't even any observers, to whom the entire event would have looked terribly amusing. 

Some hours later, after the throbbing had subsided and all was well besides the gash on my head (and my knee and shoulder), I was sitting and happily mugging up the procedures for my ill-timed Chemistry Practical exam. Then there was the phone call. It turned out there was an apparently major fire in a first-floor flat, judging by the billowing smoke. Calm. I've read through fire safety instructions dozens of times. I also have a seafaring dad, who has been through fire-fighting training on the cadet ship. He also wasn't home. Of course not. He's never home when stuff like this happens. 

It was all very exciting when the fire-brigade arrived. Big, red fire engine and all. No dalmatian. 

Eventually, we found out that it wasn't a major fire- just a lot of carcinogenic soot because his inflammable false-ceiling. 

The fire engine looked pretty much like the ones you see on the telly:

 

 Lesson learned- never make fun of evil pigeons. 

In the aftermath of the disaster(s), we just saw a car being towed out of our building this morning. I hope the poor bloke knows his car isn't in his garage.

Now, THAT, would be freaky...

Exam-time shenanigans, Part 1...

This must be the fifth time I've turned on some form of radio and the exact song that I have been wanting to listen to for hours just comes on. I must have some serious telepathy with RJ's half the world away, and, even scarier, computers all over the world.

Serious shit for all those people who believe in coincidence. Explain this!

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I wonder if it's because of the imminent exams that I've had a sudden extreme revival of desire to watch experience and fall in love with the Star Wars original trilogy for the 9,739,703,695th time. I want to watch Luke and Leia swing across the shaft in the Death Star! I want to listen to Leia abuse Han and Chewie (Scruffy looking nerve-hurter, and walking carpet, respectively)! I want to freeze my bum off watching the Hoth scene! I want to cry at the end!there are waaaaay too many moments for me to sit and write down...

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The just chopped (chainsawed, rather) three more massive, ancient, historic Ranka Corner trees. Two of them were breaking the underground pipeline. Mildly justified. One of them, an entire ecosystem, was mercilessly massacred. And why? Because it causes allergies, apparently, Allergies. Allergies. For #@$&'s sake, is that any reason to chop down an entire tree??!! Well established fact: Springtime is a season of allergies because of all the pollen in the air. That's like murdering, say, a classmate for giving you the flu. Or something even less serious. Maybe for getting sand in your schoolbag.

I can't even begin to describe the anger. I WILL KILL EVERY ONE OF THEM.

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I don't think anybody, and I mean anybody, could ever write a song from the point of view of a rapist/serial killer/child molester, and make it sound absolutely gorgeous and upbeat, as our very own Porcupine Tree. 

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I have a new love: Wouter De Backer, a.k.a Gotye. There's so much good, beautiful music out there today, and people still rave about people like Guetta and Akon. T-T

Something about Australian music. The mysticism of the Aboriginal culture seeps through it. The stark, majestic landscape. Something just feels different inside me when I look at their art, or listen to their music. 

Although, Gotye has a lot of non-aboriginal influenced music, as well. He's just amazing.

Plus, his music videos are brilliant.

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#10: British Music...

I am falling increasingly in love with Porcupine Tree each time I listen to them. Small wonder they're British. My top bands are all British, I discovered: Iron Maiden, Pink Floyd, The Beatles, Porcupine Tree, etc. It isn't, as you would suspect, the patriotism. There's something inescapably attractive about their music. Maybe it's the accent. Maybe it's something more. The anguish of a culture suppressed by it's own nature. Maybe hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way. I am still English (or British at any rate) at heart.

I also feel a little stoned right now. Too much Porcupine Tree...

(God, this post is so weird)