"I still act sometimes like I was only about twelve. Everybody says that,
especially my father. It's partly true, too, but it isn't all true.
People always think something's all true. I don't give a damn, except
that I get bored sometimes when people tell me to act my age. Sometimes I
act a lot older than I am – I really do – but people never notice it.
People never notice anything."
To be frank, sometimes, I still feel like I'm 12. I mean, nobody expects 17-going-on-18-year-old to spend half his life up in a tree. Or playing in the mud, catching frogs all evening, rolling in the grass, getting soaked when the building floods in monsoon, and so on.
To be fair, I don't always wanted to be treated that way. I, quite honestly, don't mind one bit about being independent enough to stay up all night, traverse the entire breadth of the city all alone, or getting a paycheck for my internship. I can give you more psychoanalysis before 9 am. than most people can give you in a year. I am currently formulating my own life-philosophy. I am stuck in the 3rd movement of a symphony that I'm writing.
What bothers me is why you can't do all that and play in the mud. Why is everything so stereotyped? (Ironically, that statement itself is stereotyped)
With reference to Snickerdoodle's (what happened to "Orange Tic-Tac Kid"??) recent post, I take this opportunity to express my discontent with gender stereotypes as well. Why, oh why, can't a boy still be a boy if he want's to read a book instead of playing football?
I have often been a bit jittery about the apparent fact that I spend more time in my life with girls than boys. Females, I congratulate (some of) you for being easier to strike up conversation with. Am I the only boy in class who can cry on a relatively regular basis at movies or anything, in general?
Even as a kid, I never had it easy. I was often teased for preferring to play "Imaginary games', as I called them, with swords and stuff, rather than organised sport.
Speaking of being 'jittery', I have decided to give all that a big FU. From now on, I'm going to be ME, and only ME. I don't care anymore if people call me a kid, a girl, or any other cliche that they think is offensive.
"And my ashes drift beneath the silver sky
Where a boy rides on a bike and never smile...
And my ashes find a way beyond the fog
And return to save the child that I forgot..."
- Porcupine Tree
